Vulnerability and healing old wounds

Von Eva Ebenhöh | October 10, 2017

Even after having experienced how vulnerability can lead to deep interpersonal connections, there are still situations in which we choose to protect ourselves rather than show up vulnerable.

NVC is the invitation to dare vulnerability, while at the same time valueing self-protection and cherrishing the free choice between the two (if they seem to call for different strategies).

So how do we increase our capacity and willingness for vulnerability? By healing. Healing enough so that we can trust to be able to recover from whatever pain might arise. Having ready access to empathy friends and circles helps, of course.

We talked about how teachers or parents “coerced” us to do certain things - some of those things we might still not agree with. Other things we can now as adults see some value in, like learning English, eating healthy, or quit smoking. When part of us wants to do these things, we might experience inner resistance - and it helps to become aware whether this inner resistance is actually against the activity or against how we have been encouraged to do it up to the point, where we felt we had no choice. Some of the time, maybe even most, the resentment might have to do more with the lack of choice than the actual thing - which might even seem valuable now.

For me this is tidying up. I get, why something has value. A part of me wants to. Another part enjoys resisting it. I don’t have to do anything. I have free choice.